What comes to mind when you hear the phrase, “self-leadership reset?”

“Reset” can sound like starting over from scratch.

You imagine wiping the slate clean, reinventing your routines, and finally becoming a different person. That picture can feel exciting for a moment, then quickly overwhelming.

In reality, healthy resets are quieter. They aren’t punishment for what you did “wrong.” Rather, they’re a way to pause, review, and choose how you want to lead yourself from here.

Yes, late December naturally invites reflection, and you can absolutely use the process in this article at the end of the year. However, keep in mind that you can use a self-leadership reset any time:

• At the start of a season
• After a stretch of slow progress
• Any time you feel stuck

A reset is not about becoming someone else. It’s about renewing yourself with greater clarity and compassion.

Why resets help your self-confidence

Self-confidence is rooted in self-trust. Every time you pause to review and reset in a kind, honest way, you teach yourself:

• “I will not abandon myself when things are messy.”
• “I can look at what is true without shaming myself.”
• “I am allowed to readjust and try again.”

Your internal Security Guard also benefits. She likes predictable care. When you build in regular check-ins, she learns that you’re paying attention, and that she doesn’t have to sound her alarm as often.

Resets protect you from two extremes:

• Pushing forward on autopilot, ignoring your limits and sidestepping your values
• Giving up and telling yourself, “I’ll try again next year”

Self-leadership offers a third path: Staying in strong, supportive relationship with yourself, one honest reset at a time.

A gentle review: what helped, what didn’t help, what you learned

Start your reset with a simple, compassionate review. Choose a specific time frame: The past month, the last quarter, or the last season, the last year, etc.

Ask yourself three questions:

1. What helped?
   • The choices that supported your energy, your relationships, or your goals
   • The habits, even small ones, that made your days smoother
   • Times when you noticed moments of real self-confidence
2. What didn’t help?
   • The patterns that left you feeling depleted or resentful
   • Times or areas of life where you overcommitted or ignored your own limits
   • Times when you judged yourself harshly
3. What did you learn about your Security Guard?
   • When she tends to sound her alarm
   • Which situations feel bigger mentally and emotionally than they appear on the surface
   • What helps her settle more easily

This is not a legal trial or a performance review. You aren’t collecting evidence to prove that you’re failing.

Rather, you’re gathering information so you can learn about yourself and lead yourself better going forward.

If you’re wondering who your Security Guard is and why she matters, check out this article on nervous system regulation.

Choosing values to guide your self-leadership

Next, choose your guiding values for the season ahead. You don’t need a perfect list. Start with three to five that feel both meaningful and realistic right now.

Based on your consideration of what helped, what didn’t help, and what you learned about your Security Guard, what values do you want to lead with? How do you want to grow? What version of yourself do you want to become, and which values will help you get there?

Examples might include:

• Courage
• Compassion
• Stewardship
• Rest
• Growth
• Connection
• Boldness

For each value, complete this sentence:

“When I honor [Value], I…”

For example:

• “When I honor Courage, I say what I actually think in key conversations, even if I feel nervous.”
• “When I honor Rest, I protect one evening a week that is off limits to work and obligations.”
• “When I honor Connection, I put my phone away during dinner and listen fully.”

These statements turn abstract values into concrete guidance for your everyday choices.

Crafting believable thoughts and feelings for self-leadership

Guiding values are important, but they aren’t enough by themselves. You also need thoughts and feelings that are believable for you right now. These are what actually fuel your actions.

Think about a few common moments you expect in the coming weeks – whether it’s a big deadline, a social event that holds some awkwardness, a great opportunity that also makes you feel a bit nervous, or a challenging conversation you need to have.

For each situation, choose:

• A value you want to honor
• A thought that lines up with that value and feels believable right now
• The feeling that thought creates

Here are a few examples.

Example 1: Overwhelming to-do list
Value: Stewardship
Believable thought: “I can steward my time by focusing on the next most important thing.”
Feeling: Determined
Likely action: You choose the top one or two tasks and let the rest wait, instead of spinning in overwhelm and indecision.

Example 2: Difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding
Value: Courage
Believable thought: “It’s okay to feel nervous and still talk about what matters to me.”
Feeling: Brave
Likely action: You schedule the conversation and speak honestly, even if your voice shakes.

Example 3: Taking time off without guilt
Value: Rest
Believable thought: “Rest is part of how I care for my future self and my work, not a reward I have to earn.”
Feeling: Committed
Likely action: You actually step away, resist the urge to check email, and allow yourself to enjoy the downtime.

The goal isn’t to force yourself into perfect positivity. Instead, it’s about choosing thoughts that match your values and are believable enough to shift how you feel in the moment.

If you want a deeper dive on the importance of curating your thoughts and feelings, check out this article on mindset.

A light rhythm to keep you connected

To maintain momentum after your self-leadership reset, set up a simple rhythm. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or time consuming.

One option:

• At the start of each day, quickly read your values and “When I honor [Value]…” statements.
• At the end of the week, ask yourself one question:

“Where did I lead myself a little more effectively this week?”

Maybe you noticed yourself pausing before saying yes. Or perhaps you took one small step toward a long term goal. Maybe you gave yourself a kinder response after a mistake.

Whatever it is, highlight it to yourself. Let yourself register that moment as evidence of growth.  Your brain isn’t naturally programmed to look for evidence of your progress and success – it’s actually programmed to do the opposite.  That’s why it’s so important to pause and reflect on the progress you’ve made.

Over time, this rhythm trains your brain to look for where you are already leading yourself well and making progress, rather than only scanning for what is wrong or unfinished.

Redefining progress in self-leadership

Progress in self-leadership rarely looks like a straight line. Instead of measuring success only by external outcomes, notice these kinds of shifts:

• Feeling a bit calmer when you’re asked to speak up unexpectedly
• Recovering from a wobble in hours instead of days
• Catching negative self-talk and choosing a more compassionate thought
• Setting a boundary and ruminating less afterward
• Owning a mistake without collapsing into shame and embarrassment

These are all signs that your self-confidence is growing from the inside out. They might not show up on a spreadsheet, but they reshape how you move through every part of your life.

Invitation to reset with support

Here’s the great news:  You don’t have to navigate self-leadership alone.

If you want a structured, down-to-earth space to build self-confidence, strengthen your self-leadership skills, and practice these resets with guidance, The Self-Confidence Edit was made for you.

In this signature 1:1 coaching program, we work through my 3P Self-Confidence Method:

• Perception: your relationship with yourself
• Potential: your belief that you can handle whatever comes up
• Perspective: how you view other people’s opinions and expectations

We integrate nervous system regulation, mindset work, and concrete experiments so you can feel as confident on the inside as you appear on the outside.

Want to learn more? You can schedule a free consultation for The Self-Confidence Edit here.