You know you’re smart and capable.
You know, deep down, that you have what it takes to:
- Lead the project
- Ask for the raise
- Apply for the promotion (and do a great job when you get it)
- Speak up in the meeting
- Finally start saying “no” when something does not align with the career and life you want
And yet… when the moment comes, you end up freezing, or talking yourself out of it, or telling yourself you’re not ready yet, or overthinking every possible (terrifying) outcome.
You imagine what people might say if you fail, succeed, take up more space, make the wrong decision, disappoint someone, or if they misinterpret your words or actions.
And then, to make matters worse, you start wondering what’s wrong with you:
- “Why can’t I just go for it?”
- “Why do I keep getting in my own way?”
- “Why does everyone else seem to be more confident than I am?”
If that sounds familiar, I want you to know something right away: There is nothing wrong with you.
Discover the real issue that’s affecting your confidence (it’s probably *this* ⬇️)
You don’t have some irredeemable character flaw, you don’t lack ambition, and you aren’t broken.
What you probably have is a pattern in your brain that has been shaped over time by self-criticism, fear of failure, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and a nervous system that has been working very hard to protect you.
It can feel frustrating, bewildering, and defeating to live life in that pattern. I know, because I’ve been there myself.
It’s also possible to change that pattern… I know, because I changed it in myself, and I’ve helped other women do it, too.
That’s why I created The Self-Confidence Edit, my 12-week, 1:1 coaching program for smart, capable women who are ready to build the confidence and self-confidence they need to grow in their careers and lives.
I know what it’s like to want more, but feel too afraid to go for it
Before I became a full-time coach, I spent 14 years working for the United States federal government.
During that career, I wanted to move into leadership. I truly cared about the work, my co-workers, and the people we served. I wanted to make a difference, help other employees grow, and take on roles where I could have a bigger impact.
I had support, too. Several times throughout my career, people encouraged me to apply for promotions to leadership positions and internal leadership development programs.
And almost every time, I talked myself out of it.
It wasn’t because I thought I was unqualified, or I didn’t care, or I lacked the ability. None of that was true.
The truth was, I was too scared to take the leap and put myself out there.
At one point, a great opportunity for a promotion came up. It was the kind of role that felt like a perfect fit for me. I could see how I could contribute to the agency’s mission and help others grow. I also knew, intellectually, that I had what it would take to succeed.
My boss and peers encouraged me to apply, but I just could not bring myself to do it.
My mind was full of fear-inducing questions like:
- If I apply and don’t get it, will people make fun of me?
- What if I apply, get the promotion, and fail miserably?
- Could this be too much for me to handle long-term?
- Is it possible that I’m not actually as capable as people think I am?
Here’s what ended up happening…
I was honest with myself about what the problem was, and whose responsibility it was to fix it… and that changed my life
Despite all the external encouragement and my intellectual understanding that I had what it would take to do the job well, I chickened out. I didn’t apply.
That was the moment I fully, consciously acknowledged that I had a confidence problem, and that it was my responsibility to fix it.
I did some research and started getting coached on it.
That coaching completely changed my life.
Through coaching, I learned that my confidence struggles weren’t random flaws, proof that I was weak or incapable, or a personal curse (which they sometimes felt like).
My struggles with confidence were actually patterns that I had learned as self-protection and practiced for a long time, without realizing it.
All the self-criticism, self-doubt, and searching for external validation… it wasn’t a fate I was doomed to forever. It was all a just a bunch of patterns that had been wired into my brain and body over time.
And because those patterns had been learned, they could also be changed.
When I realized all of this, I made a decision that the work was worth doing, and I was going to do it. I worked with my coaches to uncover, understand, and shift those patterns, and I’ve never looked back.
That work transformed my self-confidence so profoundly that instead of applying for a promotion, I eventually made an even bigger move: I started my own coaching business so I could help other women build the confidence they need to advance in their careers and create the impact they were meant to have.
I became a coach in 2021, and I’ve been coaching ever since. I’m a Professional Certified Coach through The Life Coach School, and certified Trauma and Resilience Life Coach through Trauma Institute International. I also hold an MBA and a BA in acting, though those degrees both came way before my confidence transformation began.
And yes, that acting degree is part of my confidence story too.
One of the interesting side stories of my life is that I pivoted from acting into an MBA program in part because I lacked the confidence to pursue acting. This struggle with confidence was more than just a work thing for me. In many ways, it had been a lifelong pattern of feeling super confident here and there, but largely plagued by crippling self-doubt.
…Until I finally addressed it.
The Moment I Knew I Wanted to Help Other Women With This
One of the biggest milestones in my own confidence journey came when I realized I had succeeded in training my brain to stop constantly criticizing me, and to be encouraging and supportive instead.
That may sound simple, but it was life-changing.
For so long, I had lived with a voice in my own head that attacked me, questioned me, judged me, and made every risk feel dangerous. Even when other people believed in me, I didn’t really believe in myself.
All of that happened inside my head, but the impact reached far beyond. I stayed in unhealthy or unhelpful situations for way too long, lived my life to please other people, talked myself out of opportunities and regretted it later, and watched my career, relationships, and life stagnate before my eyes.
When that voice inside my head began to transform for the better, I felt free in a way I had never experienced before.
I could:
- Take risks without catastrophizing about everything that could go wrong
- Try new things without the worry and fear of embarrassment shutting me down
- Put myself out there without constantly needing positive reinforcement
- Make decisions and trust that I could navigate whatever comes up
Confidence vs. self-confidence: Women need to take action to build both (and here’s why)
Oh, by the way: That last bullet point? That’s the actual definition of self-confidence.
And yes, self-confidence is different from confidence.
Confidence is based on your past. It comes from knowing you can do something because you’ve done it before.
Self-confidence is based on your future. It’s trusting yourself to handle whatever comes up, even if you’ve never done the thing or encountered the scenario before.
Here’s the thing about confidence and self-confidence: You need both.
However, you especially need self-confidence if you want to grow.
That’s because applying for the promotion, speaking up in the room, taking on a leadership role, setting a boundary, or saying “no” may require you to do something you haven’t done before.
You cannot rely only on past proof or knowing you’ve done it before (confidence).
You need at least a small belief that says, “Maybe I can do this. And no matter what happens, I will have my own back.” (Self-confidence).
Self-confidence is the precursor to confidence. It’s the emotion that allows you to take action to do, try, or create something new *so that* you can build skill, gather experience, and create confidence over time. (And that’s why it’s important to work on building both.)
When I realized that my “confidence problem” was actually a self-confidence problem, and that it was a *solvable* problem, I finally stopped believing that there was something wrong with me, and I started believing that confidence WAS for me – not just for other people – and that I only had to do the work to build it.
I’m so passionate about helping women transform from self-doubting to self-confident that I’ve made it literally my life’s work. In my signature coaching program, The Self-Confidence Edit, I help my clients do the work to build *both* the self-confidence they need to start taking action, and the confidence they want to show up differently at work and in life.
The three confidence blocks I saw again and again – and how they inspired the proprietary framework I now use with clients
As I looked back on my own experience and started coaching clients, I began to notice three major struggles that often slam a lid on so many people’s confidence.
These struggles can show up in different ways for different people, but the pattern underneath is often the same.
1. A hypercritical self-perception
Many smart, capable women who struggle with confidence have a deeply negative view of themselves.
They may look polished and successful on the outside, but inside, their brain is constantly pointing out:
- What they did wrong
- What they should have done better
- Why they aren’t ready yet
This tendency toward self-criticism isn’t a character trait you’re doomed to live with for the rest of your life. It’s actually just a pattern that’s wired into your brain and nervous system.
Over time, your brain can become wired to look for evidence that supports the story you already believe about yourself. So, if your inner story is, “I’m not good enough,” your brain will keep collecting evidence that seems to support it (and if it doesn’t find said evidence, it will simply make it up out of thin air!).
Here’s the good news: Your brain learned this pattern, and you can change it.
I’m a living example of that capacity for change. It took me about three months to shift my chronic self-criticism into a much more self-supportive way of relating to myself.
And as I said earlier, that changed everything for me.
2. Fear of failure and the pressure to be perfect (and what’s *really* driving them)
The second confidence block is fear of negative emotions. Here’s a big secret, though: It’s often disguised as a fear of negative consequences.
For some women, this shows up as perfectionism. They take action, but only after overpreparing, overworking, and exhausting themselves in the process.
It can look (and feel) like they just have really high standards, don’t want to let anyone down, or are super committed.
What’s really going on, though, is that they’re trying to outwork the fear of how they’ll feel if everything *doesn’t* turn out perfectly: Emotions like disappointment, embarrassment, inadequacy, frustration, or sadness.
THAT’s what perfectionism is really trying to outrun.
For others, it shows up differently… not as perfectionism and overworking, but as avoidance. They don’t:
- Apply for the promotion
- Volunteer to lead the project
- Raise their hand to contribute
- Speak up in the meeting
- Start working on that meaningful but seemingly impossible goal
Again, what these women are avoiding here is how they think they’ll feel in response to a potential negative outcome, not the negative outcome itself.
We do or don’t do anything in life because of how we believe it will make us feel
You might avoid volunteering for a high-visibility project because you’re not sure you can do it flawlessly. And if you don’t do it flawlessly, you might feel embarrassment, frustration, or self-contempt. You don’t want to feel that, you so don’t volunteer.
Maybe you’re overthinking on whether to apply for a promotion or stay in your comfortable job because you’re scared to make the “wrong” decision. And if you make the wrong decision, you’ll feel disappointed, regretful, or angry at yourself. You don’t want to feel that, so you keep stalling on the decision.
Perhaps you tend to spend hours preparing for a presentation, then spend even more time afterward picking apart every sentence you said… because if *you* don’t pick it all apart, maybe someone else will. And if that happens, you’ll feel inept, unworthy, or underqualified. You don’t want to feel that, so you keep over-preparing and over-analyzing every performance.
That is not sustainable, and it also doesn’t promote healthy professional or personal growth. It’s also a lot more common than you might think. And again, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It’s simply the result of the patterns your brain learned in the past.
Remember our friend self-confidence from earlier?
Self-confidence is the antidote to *all* of that. That’s because when you trust yourself to take action and navigate whatever comes up as a result – success, failure, positive emotions, negative emotions – you stop letting fear make your decisions for you.
Inside my signature program, The Self-Confidence Edit, we do the deep, life-changing work that moves you from staying stuck in fear to moving forward with self-confidence. I guide clients through tools like Worst Case Scenario, Find Evidence, and Dare of the Day to rewire their brains away from living in silent fear and toward taking self-confident action.
3. An outsized focus on what other people think
The third confidence block is placing too much weight on other people’s opinions, or on what you imagine their opinions might be.
This can lead to:
- People-pleasing
- Overapologizing
- Softening your ideas
- Avoiding direct communication
- Saying yes when you mean no
- Making choices that keep others comfortable while leaving you frustrated or resentful
This can feel particularly frustrating and exasperating, because it feels like a safe choice in the moment, but you know it isn’t actually working for you in the long run. Maybe you:
- Replay conversations after the fact, trying to decide if you said or did something you need to apologize for
- Seek lots of reassurance and positive feedback
- Have strong ideas, but present them as “just a thought” or “maybe this is silly, but…”
- Watch helplessly as less-qualified people move into leadership while you stay stuck… not because they’re better than you, but because they’re more willing to be seen trying
That can be painful, especially when you know you’re capable of so much more.
Why confidence can feel so hard to build (this is little-known, but absolutely foundational)
Part of the reason this is so difficult is that society (and our own brains) tend to reward success, not trying.
Many of us have internalized the message that we should not attempt something unless we already know we will succeed.
So, if you aren’t sure you can do it perfectly, your brain says, “Don’t risk it.”
Add in a dysregulated nervous system, and that fear can feel much stronger – even paralyzing.
Your brain and nervous system may be trying to protect you from rejection, failure, embarrassment, conflict, judgment, disappointment, or visibility. However, that protection can become overzealous and unhelpful.
A dysregulated nervous system can keep you from the very opportunities that would help you grow… even when you know and understand intellectually that you’re capable of growth, and that growth is good. And even when you *really, really* WANT to grow.
That’s why I believe confidence coaching needs to address more than thoughts, beliefs, and emotions alone.
Mindset matters, absolutely.
However, if your nervous system feels unsafe, mindset coaching can stop working very quickly.
That’s often why you can understand something intellectually and *still* struggle to take action.
That was my experience: I knew I had what it would take to succeed in a leadership role, but I still could not bring myself to apply.
Part of that was mindset, and part of it was nervous system dysregulation.
And both needed support.
Why I created The Self-Confidence Edit (and the 3 core shifts behind it)
I created The Self-Confidence Edit because I could clearly see the three patterns that were holding women back:
- Self-criticism and self-doubt
- Fear of failure and perfectionism
- Too much focus on what others think
…I could also see the shifts needed to help women move forward.
That’s why this program is built around my exclusive 3P Self-Confidence Method, which is specifically designed to address the 3 biggest blocks to building self-confidence:
💡 Self-Perception: Changing the way you see and speak to yourself, so you are no longer trying to grow professionally while carrying constant self-doubt and self-criticism in your own mind.
💡 Potential to Navigate What Comes Up: Building self-trust that you can handle whatever comes up – be it challenges, mistakes, uncertainty, or new responsibilities.
💡 Healthy Perspective on Others’ Opinions: Learning to value and consider feedback without letting other people’s real or imagined opinions control your choices.
The goal of my 3P Self-Confidence Method isn’t to turn you into another version of me. Instead, It’s to help you become and live more fully as yourself, with the confidence and self-confidence to use your voice, pursue your goals, and take meaningful action TODAY… not someday when you finally feel ready.
What Happens Inside The Self-Confidence Edit
The Self-Confidence Edit is a 12-week, 1:1 coaching program designed to help you build both confidence and self-confidence in a focused, personalized way.
We begin with a 90-minute kickoff Zoom call.
During that call, we collaborate on a plan of action for the next 12 weeks. We set goals, highlight your strengths, and identify the areas where you most want to grow. This helps us tailor the work to you, focus on your greatest areas of need, and measure progress meaningfully throughout the program.
Then, each week, we engage in a 60-minute private coaching call.
These calls are not cookie-cutter lessons or generic pep talks. You bring real scenarios from your daily work and personal life, and we coach on what is actually coming up for you.
Maybe you’re:
- Preparing for a meeting
- Deciding whether to apply for a promotion
- Needing to set a boundary with your boss, a coworker, or a family member
- Replaying a conversation and spiraling into self-doubt
- Trying to stop overpreparing, overexplaining, or overapologizing
- Comparing your appearance, work performance, or parenting to someone else’s
We use those real moments to start rewiring your brain away from self-doubt and toward greater self-confidence.
Each week, you leave with action steps you can actually use in your everyday, with little or no extra time or energy required.
I also teach you the concepts, tools, and frameworks that are most relevant to you in the moment. That means you won’t be sitting through a course packed with information you may never use, hoping to fish out a gem or two that’s actually relevant to where you’re at right now.
Instead, I give you *what you need, when you need it.*
In between sessions, you also receive support through email coaching and asynchronous video coaching via Marco Polo. This helps you keep making progress, get your questions answered, and reduce backsliding between calls.
You also receive complimentary access to two of my on-demand workshops, where I teach core concepts around building confidence and self-confidence, and regulating your nervous system.
This helps you hit the ground running with a strong foundation, and allows us to use more of our live session time for coaching, deeper work, and advanced concepts. You also retain access to those workshops after our coaching relationship is complete.
What Makes This Coaching Program Different
The Self-Confidence Edit is not about reviewing your week, repeating affirmations, or cheering you on without changing the deeper patterns.
I will absolutely believe in you.
In fact, one of the most important parts of my coaching is that I genuinely love and believe in each of my clients.
But belief alone is not the whole process.
Inside this program, we do highly focused work to identify and rewrite the stories in your mind that are keeping the lid on your confidence and self-confidence.
We look at the:
- Source of the self-doubt
- Fear underneath the overworking or avoidance
- Nervous system responses that may be making action feel unsafe
- Places where other people’s opinions have been given too much power
Then, from the very first session, we begin changing those patterns in a practical, supportive, trauma-responsive way.
That trauma-responsive piece is super important to me.
I sought training in trauma and resilience because I recognized trauma responses in many of my clients. I could see that these responses were holding them back, and I knew I needed the skills to coach them in a way that stayed within my coaching lane and protected their mental health.
Trauma is more common than many people realize. It can affect not only thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, but also the nervous system.
That’s why I believe confidence coaching should include nervous system regulation.
…Because if your nervous system doesn’t feel safe taking action, no amount of “just think positive” will be enough.
What becomes possible when you build self-confidence
When you build self-confidence, you stop:
- Waiting for fear to disappear before you act
- Needing perfect certainty before you make a decision
- Treating every mistake like a deep personal failure
- Giving other people’s opinions more authority than your own values, goals, and inner compass
..And you start showing yourself (and everyone else) what you already know you’re capable of.
For me, this work helped me become what I now think of as the “go first” girl.
I used to be terrified of going first at anything, because I was afraid I’d look like an idiot, wouldn’t be able to handle it, and feel even worse about myself than I already did.
As I started building my self-confidence, I also started volunteering strategically for opportunities to lead projects. I began showing my willingness to courageously “go first” in a variety of personal and professional settings. I increased my visibility, grew my self-belief, and earned the respect and admiration of others.
I didn’t suddenly became fearless… the fear was still there. But the fear was no longer in charge.
That’s what I want for my clients, too.
I want you to:
- Gain the self-confidence to showcase and grow your skills in the workplace
- Feel safe enough to take on new roles and responsibilities without needing to feel 100% ready first
- Speak up, set boundaries, and make decisions that align with the career and life you actually want
- Stop hiding your gifts until some imaginary future day when you finally feel “ready enough”
You and I can start building that future now.
What Clients Have Experienced
One client told me she made more progress with me in her first four sessions than she had in 18 years of trying other things to build confidence.
I have watched clients move from people-pleasing and giving in at work and with family members to setting and sticking to strong boundaries.
I have seen clients go from feeling self-conscious and not enough to knowing that it is okay to be who they are.
That kind of change… changes your life.
The true meaning of confidence is more than getting the promotion or leading the project (although those things matter, too).
Confidence is also about how you live inside your own mind, how you treat yourself, and whether you trust yourself enough to take up space in your own life.
The Future I See for Women at Work and Beyond
I see a future where women are unafraid to:
- Lead imperfectly
- Be themselves without apologizing
- Set and stick to boundaries that protect their wellbeing
- Say “no” without feeling guilty
- Make decisions according to their values
- Use their unique talents, gifts, and expertise today, *not* someday in the future when they finally feel ready
…Because the truth is, the feeling of “ready” rarely arrives before you take action.
Readiness can be a moving target your brain builds to try and keep you safe (when you don’t really need protecting).
Confidence usually comes after you try (not before).
Self-confidence is the emotion that leads to trying.
Self-confidence doesn’t mean believing, “I know this will work,” but rather, “I can navigate success or failure equally well.”
That’s where The Self-Confidence Edit fits into the future I see.
This program helps women rewire their brains away from chronic self-doubt and fear of failure and toward self-confidence, strength, growth, and action.
It brings together the mindset work, belief work, emotional awareness, nervous system regulation, resilience-building, and practical action that women need to step up with intention, poise, and grace.
…Not by becoming someone else, but by *finally* trusting who they already are.
Ready to become the woman who’s willing to go first?
As you now know (hopefully with a sigh of relief!), your confidence struggles are most likely a result of patterns your brain and nervous system learned in the past – and they can be unlearned and rewritten, too.
Here’s what shortens the learning curve toward rewiring your brain for the confidence you want: Structured, focused, expert-guided support that’s customized to you. That’s exactly what I provide inside my exclusive, 1:1 coaching program, The Self-Confidence Edit.
Inside the program, we work closely to build your mental and emotional skills around *both* confidence and self-confidence, so you can stop playing small and staying stuck and unleash the project-leading, promotion-getting, unapologetically bold version of you who’s already waiting inside.
Over the course of this twelve-week program, you’ll transform into the version of yourself who will apply for the promotion, say “yes” to the leadership role, set the boundary, speak up in the meeting, or achieve similar goals that are specific to you.
The future I see is one where women like you lead, speak up, set boundaries, make bold decisions, and trust themselves enough to go after the career and life they dream of. That happens a lot faster when you’re doing it with skilled, compassionate support.
You do not have to wait until you feel perfectly ready.
You can begin now.
It’s time to take a step forward on your confidence journey so you can move from “this makes sense!” to “this is working.” Click here to book a call and get the details.
