You know that moment when a high-visibility project comes up at work and part of you thinks:
I could do that!
…but another part of you immediately says:
Absolutely not. What if I mess it up?
This dichotomy of competence and self-doubt just keeps popping up… and keeps you from advancing in your career.
On the outside, you probably appear calm, capable, and confident. On the inside, though, you’re:
- Second-guessing yourself
- Running through every possible way it could go wrong
- Wondering whether you’re actually ready, experienced enough, polished enough, or “leadership material” enough to take it on
And then, instead of raising your hand to take the lead (and the spotlight), you stay silent.
It isn’t because you don’t care about the work or your career, or because you can’t handle it or don’t have what it takes.
You stay silent because you’re not sure you can do it flawlessly.
That can feel incredibly frustrating, right? You may even feel resentful toward yourself afterward, wondering, Why didn’t I just speak up? What’s wrong with me?
The frustration and resentment only grow when you recognize the impact of staying silent and out of the spotlight:
- You don’t give yourself a real chance to showcase what you can do.
- Less-qualified people get moved into leadership positions while you feel stuck and frustrated with your lack of career growth.
- Your relationship with your boss may even start to feel strained because you’re too scared to take on more responsibility, even though deep down, you want to be seen as someone who can lead (and you know you have what it takes).
Why most confidence advice doesn’t work – and what you really need to start leading
Here’s the thing: There’s nothing “wrong” with you.
We live in a world that tends to reward success, not trying. So many smart, capable women internalize the message that they shouldn’t try unless they already know they’ll succeed.
The problem is, confidence doesn’t come from waiting until you feel 100% certain you can create success. It’s actually the opposite.
Here’s what most confidence advice doesn’t tell you: You don’t need confidence to take action. You actually need self-confidence (yes, there’s a difference).
Confidence comes from taking action. Taking action comes from trusting yourself to navigate whatever comes up as a result – which is also known as self-confidence.
When you have access to self-confidence, you can finally:
- Start showcasing and growing your skills at work
- Step into new roles and responsibilities without waiting to feel “ready” (because, in reality, “ready” is usually a moving target)
- Become the woman who courageously says, “I’ll go first”
How do I know? I’ve done this work myself, and I’ve guided numerous clients through it, as well.
By focusing on building self-confidence, I became the “I’ll go first” girl. I started volunteering strategically for great opportunities to lead projects and show my willingness to be a leader and go first in a variety of settings. It skyrocketed my confidence, increased my visibility, and helped me earn the respect and admiration of others.
So let’s talk about the real reason you’re scared to lead those high-visibility projects, and the 3 steps that can help you move forward with more self-confidence.
Step 1: Stop Treating Discomfort Like a Brick Wall, And Start Seeing It For What It REALLY Is
When you feel fear, nervousness, or uncertainty about leading a highly-visible project, it’s easy to assume those feelings mean something serious.
You may think:
- I’m not ready.
- I’m not qualified.
- I’m going to fail.
- This is a sign I shouldn’t do it.
Truthfully, it’s normal to have those kinds of thoughts. Your brain will offer them to you sometimes.
However, when you believe them, you’re treating discomfort like a brick wall – a sign that you can’t move forward.
Discomfort is actually more like a stop sign.
It’s asking you to pause, check in, and assess what’s really going on before you decide how to move forward.
How To Calm Your Inner Security Guard And Activate Your Inner CEO
One way I explain this to my clients is through the idea of your inner Security Guard and your inner CEO.
Part of your brain is kind of like a Security Guard with a metal detector. Her job is to scan for potential threats and keep you safe. That’s a very important job.
But like a metal detector, she can’t always tell the difference between something that’s actually dangerous and something that simply feels uncomfortable, new, or uncertain.
So when you think about volunteering for a high-visibility project, your inner Security Guard may start sounding the alarm. She’s usually the one who’s offering thoughts like, I’m not ready or I’m not qualified.
She may spin up a whole story around what could go wrong: “This is risky. People will be watching. What if you mess up? You might embarrass yourself. You could disappoint your boss or the client. Maybe you’ll fail and prove you’re not as capable as everyone thinks.”
And suddenly, your nervous system is activated, because your Security Guard is sounding the alarm. Maybe you experience:
- A tightness in your chest
- Racing thoughts
- A pit in your stomach
- The urge to avoid the opportunity altogether
Here’s the thing about those uncomfortable feelings, though: They are not proof that you can’t do it.
Instead, they’re just signs that your inner Security Guard thinks she senses danger.
That may seem like a small nuance, but it’s actually incredibly important (and one of the keys to moving past fear to take self-confident action).
If you treat the fear your Security Guard feels as proof that you’re unqualified to lead important projects, you’ll see it as a brick wall and keep backing away from opportunities that could help you grow.
However, if you treat that same fear as a stop sign – a cue to pause and calm your Security Guard (i.e., regulate your nervous system) – you create space for your inner CEO to enter the room.
Your inner CEO is the thinking, logical, thoughtful part of your brain. Your inner Security Guard is constantly scanning for threats… by contrast, your inner CEO can more accurately assess the *true* threat level, ask growth-fueled questions, separate facts from fear, and help you decide how to move forward with intention (and from a place of self-confidence).
This is why nervous system regulation and self-leadership are important skillsets for leading high-visibility projects.
Learning how to calm your inner Security Guard doesn’t erase fear. The actual goal is to help your Security Guard feel safe enough so your inner CEO can think clearly and lead yourself well.
It can be as simple as:
- Taking a few slow breaths before responding to an email from your boss
- Stepping away from your computer for five minutes before deciding whether to volunteer to lead that high-visibility project
- Placing a hand on your chest and reminding yourself, “This is uncomfortable, not unsafe”
Then, once your inner CEO is back in the room, you can ask yourself questions like:
- “What is actually being asked of me here?”
- “What skills and experience do I already have that would help me lead this?”
- “What support, information, or resources would I need?”
- “What would I choose if I trusted myself to learn as I go and do it imperfectly?”
This is part of the Perception pillar of my 3P Self-Confidence Method, which I teach inside my signature 1:1 coaching program, The Self-Confidence Edit.
In the Perception pillar, my clients learn how to:
- Notice when their inner Security Guard is running the show,
- Regulate their nervous system to get their inner CEO back in the room, and
- Use strategic self-leadership questions to reframe the situation, build self-confidence, and take action that aligns with their goals and values.
The goal of the Perception pillar is not to feel 100% confident 100% of the time. Instead, it’s to stop letting fear, self-doubt, and uncertainty make your career decisions for you, and start making them from a place of self-confidence, self-trust, and determination.
Step 2: Replace “Can I Do This Perfectly?” With “How Would I Navigate If It Gets Messy?”
One of the biggest reasons high-visibility projects feel so scary is because you may believe your leadership has to be perfect all of the time.
Maybe you think you need to have the full plan, the perfect words, the flawless meeting presence, the ideal timeline, and the exact right answer to every question before you feel ready to say yes to leading an important project.
In my experience, that expectation can send you down one of two exhausting paths. You either:
- Overwork to the point of burnout, trying to cross an ever-moving finish line, or
- Don’t get started at all because you don’t believe you’re capable of the perfection you think is required
Neither option helps you grow in a healthy, sustainable way.
Here’s the truth about strong leadership: It isn’t about doing everything perfectly.
It’s about navigating effectively.
Strong leadership means noticing what’s happening, making thoughtful decisions, communicating clearly, repairing when needed, asking for input, and adjusting as you learn more.
So instead of asking, “Can I do this perfectly?” try asking, “How would I navigate if it gets messy?”
That one question can pivot your trajectory. Here’s why.
“Can I do this perfectly?” puts your inner Security Guard in charge. It invites fear, pressure, all-or-nothing thinking, and a dysregulated, disruptive nervous system response.
On the other hand, “How would I navigate if it gets messy?” calls forward the wisdom and knowledge you already have. It puts your inner CEO in charge.
Remember, she’s the part of your brain that can problem-solve, think creatively, plan, identify and enlist support, prepare for hard conversations, and decide what matters most.
For example, if you’re concerned about managing interpersonal conflict on a project team, your inner CEO might ask:
- “What conversations may need to happen early?”
- “What expectations need to be clear from the start?”
- “How could I respond if two team members disagree?”
- “What support could I ask for from my boss if the conflict escalates?”
If you’re concerned about leading a crucial presentation, your inner CEO might ask:
- “What does this audience need to understand?”
- “What are the three key points I want to communicate?”
- “Why should the audience care about this information – what’s in it for them?”
- “How can I respond if I don’t know an answer in the moment?”
If you’re worried about taking on a project with a lot of moving pieces, your inner CEO might ask:
- “What needs to be decided first?”
- “What can be delegated?”
- “What information am I missing?”
- “What checkpoints would help me stay on track?”
Notice how different those questions feel from, “What if I fail?”
They give your brain somewhere useful to go, and remind you that you don’t need to predict and pre-solve every challenge in order to lead well.
You simply need to trust your capacity to meet challenges as they come.
That concept is part of the Potential pillar of my 3P Self-Confidence Method.
Inside The Self-Confidence Edit, my clients build belief in their ability to navigate whatever comes up as they lead high-stakes projects and take on more visible roles.
They build the self-confidence and self-trust to become better decision-makers, communicators, and thoughtful action-takers.
We work on all of this intentionally and consistently, because self-confidence is not just a feeling you hope appears one day. It’s something you build by showing yourself, over and over again, “I can navigate whatever comes up.”
When you stop demanding perfection from yourself, you make room for something much more useful: Grounded, capable leadership.
Step 3: Turn Opinions and Feedback Into Data, Not Definitions
There’s another reason high-visibility projects can feel so vulnerable: People will have opinions, and you know feedback will be part of the process.
That can make professional growth in the spotlight feel challenging, embarrassing, and emotionally risky. It can feel like people are waiting for you to fail, even when there’s no real evidence that they are.
Maybe your worry that:
- If you make one mistake, people will decide you’re not ready.
- If someone gives you critical feedback, it means you’re not good at your job.
- If one person misunderstands or disagrees with your decision, it means you’ve lost credibility.
I’ll be honest: Other people’s opinions and feedback do matter in the workplace. However, they do not get to define you.
They can inform you, help you grow, and give you useful data.
However, they are not your identity (and they may not even be true or accurate).
This perspective shift is essential if you want to grow in the workplace instead of shrinking under the weight of what people think (or what they might think if you step into the spotlight to lead).
If every opinion becomes a definition, you’ll keep trying to manage everyone’s perception of you instead of leading the work in front of you. You’ll:
- Avoid risks
- Over-explain
- Replay conversations
- Soften your ideas before you even speak them
- Hold yourself back from the very opportunities that could help you become more confident
Accept This Hard Truth To Shift Your Perspective On “What They Think”
This might be hard to hear, but it’s important to accept: You can’t control what other people think… you can only control how you respond.
Learning how to turn opinions and feedback into data instead of using them against yourself will help you grow faster and suffer less. It allows you to free yourself from the weight of what other people’s opinions mean about who you are:
- A misstep becomes part of the learning process, not proof that you’re not cut out for leadership
- A piece of feedback becomes information you can consider, not a final verdict on your worth or value
- A difficult moment becomes one part of your professional story, not the whole story
This is part of the Perspective pillar of my 3P Self-Confidence Method, which is at the core of my 1:1 coaching program, The Self-Confidence Edit.
Inside SCE, my clients learn how to separate who they are from what others think of them. They shift from using feedback against themselves to thoughtfully considering it and using it constructively. They do the work to build an authentic professional presence that inspires respect and admiration, even when naysayers exist.
This work is both deeply personal and inherently practical, so clients bring their real workplace scenarios (and even scenarios from their personal life) into coaching. Maybe they:
- Received feedback that stung
- Feel worried about how their boss interpreted a decision
- Are preparing for an important meeting and feel afraid of being judged
As their coach, I don’t tell them what to do. I help them grow into the version of themselves who can navigate the scenario with self-confidence in real time.
They don’t learn to stop caring about what everything thinks, but how to care without handing over their power.
“But Aren’t Other People’s Opinions at Work Important?”
Yes, what your boss, team, co-workers, or stakeholders think can be important. Feedback can absolutely help you improve, communicate better, and lead more effectively.
However, there’s a difference between considering other people’s opinions and allowing opinions (or your fear of potential opinions) to heavily influence your everyday choices and your long-term career and professional growth choices.
When this issue comes up with a client, it often makes sense to guide her through creating her own set of filters for other people’s opinions and feedback.
For example:
- “Is this opinion from someone with relevant context?”
- “Is it specific enough to help me improve?”
- “Is this feedback aligned with my goals, my values, and the success of the project?”
- “What part of this is useful, and what part can I leave behind?”
These kinds of questions help you stay open to growth without absorbing every opinion as truth.
That’s the healthy, balanced perspective to work toward: You don’t want to ignore feedback, and you also don’t have to let fear of feedback (or judgment from others) guide your professional (or personal) choices.
You Don’t Have to Feel 100% Ready to Lead
In my work as a life coach, I’ve spoken to so many women who believe that any ounce of self-doubt, uncertainty, or fear means they aren’t ready.
They imagine that the women who are visible, successful, and admirable don’t ever doubt themselves.
And they think that because they DO doubt themselves… leadership, new opportunities, and professional growth aren’t for them.
All of that is so terribly, tragically incorrect.
Those savvy, take-control, lead-with-grace women? Here’s the big secret:
They experience self-doubt, too.
They get pits in their stomach. They feel nervous sometimes. They’re still human, after all.
The key to showing up well (not perfectly) in the spotlight, stretching your wings as a leader, and growing (personally and professionally) is not to feel 100% confident, 0% afraid.
The key is in how you respond to feeling afraid, self-doubtful, or uncertain.
Maybe you’ve been treating discomfort as a sign you aren’t ready, perfection as the price of participating, and feedback as something that defines you.
No wonder leading a high-visibility project feels scary!
Here’s the great news, though: You can unlearn those patterns and train yourself in new ones.
You can stop treating discomfort like a brick wall and start seeing it as a stop sign. You can regulate your nervous system, let your inner CEO enter the room, and choose your next step with greater care and intentionality.
You can replace “Can I do this perfectly?” with “How would I navigate if it gets messy?” You can build belief in your ability to handle challenges as they come.
You can turn opinions and feedback into data, not definitions. You can grow in the spotlight without giving other people’s thoughts the final say over who you are.
When you stop waiting to feel ready and start leaning into self-confidence, you give yourself the space to showcase what you can do.
You create more opportunities to grow your skills.
You become someone who does not wait for fear to disappear before stepping into new roles and responsibilities.
You transform into the version of yourself who says, “I’ll go first,” and has what it takes to follow through.
Self-confidence is the undercurrent driving each and every one of those transformations.
Ready to Become the Woman Who Raises Her Hand?
If you’re tired of watching opportunities pass you by because your self-doubt keeps talking you out of them, I’d love to support you.
In my highly personalized 1:1 coaching program, The Self-Confidence Edit, I help smart, capable women develop the self-confidence they need to lead the project, get the promotion, protect their time and energy, and stop overcommitting their way into burnout.
Together, we’ll use my 3P Self-Confidence Method to help you:
- Shift your Perception of yourself so you’ll become the woman who feels safe enough to raise her hand to lead,
- Build belief in your Potential to navigate whatever comes up (in work OR in life), and
- Strengthen your Perspective on others’ opinions so you can navigate real workplace situations with more confidence and clarity.
You don’t have to wait until you feel fearless. You just need to learn how to lead yourself through the fear – and I can help you do it.
Schedule a free coaching consultation to discuss becoming a 1:1 client in The Self-Confidence Edit. Visit https://www.amyschield.com/book to grab a spot on my calendar.
