For much of my life, I believed a number of confidence myths that kept me stuck, led me to believe that I could never have the confidence I wanted, and that there was something wrong with me because I didn’t feel confident.

Thankfully, I learned the truth: Many of my assumptions about confidence (and about myself) were wrong. Breaking away from those unhelpful confidence myths was one of the keys to my journey from shy and insecure to bold and confident.

Introduction: Why Confidence Myths Could Be Ruining Your Growth

You’ve probably heard a lot of advice about confidence.

• “Fake it till you make it.”
• “Confident people don’t care what others think.”
• “You have to feel confident before you take action.”

Sounds familiar? The problem is, these myths could be holding you back instead of helping you grow. Many of these so-called “confidence rules” create unrealistic expectations, making it even harder to build genuine self-confidence.

Let’s break down five of the most common confidence myths and what to do instead.

Myth #1: “Fake It Till You Make It”

Why People Believe This

It sounds like solid advice, right? If you act confident, eventually you’ll feel confident. The idea behind this myth is that behavior creates belief—which is partially true. But there’s a problem.

Why This Myth Could Be Ruining Your Confidence

“Faking it” often leads to inauthenticity, anxiety, and imposter syndrome rather than true self-confidence. If your brain knows you don’t actually believe in yourself yet, “faking it” can reinforce self-doubt rather than eliminate it.

Pretending to be someone who is confident without building true self-confidence can make you feel like you have to be “on” – showing up as that other person who acts confident, rather than showing up as your true self.

That can cause feelings like stress, guilt, and feeling like a fake. You’re building a facade from the outside instead of building authentic self-confidence from the inside.

A Better Way: Build Self-Confidence Through Daily Practice

Instead of pretending to be confident, start with small, achievable steps that will help you build real self-confidence. Shift what you think and believe about yourself. Take calculated risks, gather evidence of your capability, and gradually expand your comfort zone. True self-confidence is built on trust in yourself to handle whatever comes up – not on pretending to be someone you’re not.

Myth #2: “Confident People Never Care What Others Think”

Why People Believe This

We often see confident people as unshakable, never seeking validation or worrying about outside opinions. It creates this illusion that if you truly believe in yourself, you shouldn’t care what anyone else thinks.

Why This Myth Could Be Holding You Back

The truth? Caring what others think is normal and even useful. The issue isn’t that confident people don’t care. It’s that they don’t let others’ opinions control their decisions. Truly confident people don’t see others’ opinions as useless, nor do they have a complete disregard for others. Confidence is not the same as arrogance or brashness.

A Better Way: Manage Your Reactions to External Opinions

Instead of trying to shut out feedback, focus on whose opinions actually matter to you and how to consider them without losing sight of your own judgment. Confidence comes from trusting yourself while still being open to meaningful input and opportunities to learn from others.

Myth #3: “Confidence Means You Don’t Doubt Yourself”

Why People Believe This

Confident people might seem certain, decisive, and unwavering. It’s easy to assume that confidence means eliminating self-doubt altogether.

Why This Myth Could Be Ruining Your Confidence

Even the most confident people sometimes experience self-doubt. Self-doubt doesn’t mean you lack confidence—it means you’re human. The difference is that confident people don’t let self-doubt dictate their actions.

A Better Way: Learn to Take Action Despite Self-Doubt

Instead of trying to eliminate doubt, focus on developing self-trust. Can you trust yourself to handle challenges, even if you don’t have all the answers? That’s what true self-confidence is built on.

The goal isn’t to never doubt yourself. The goal is to trust yourself to get through whatever happens.

Myth #4: “You Need to Be an Extrovert to Be Confident”

Why People Believe This

Extroverts often appear socially confident, outgoing, and fearless in conversation. Because of this, people assume that confidence and extroversion go hand in hand.

Personally, this is one of the confidence myths that I believed for a long time.

First, I thought that, because I was an introvert, confidence was going to be a lot less attainable for me. Second, I was confusing extroversion with confidence. Finally, I didn’t understand that there are lots of extroverts who don’t feel confident, and lots of introverts who do.

Why This Myth Could Be Holding You Back

Confidence isn’t about being the loudest person in the room—it’s about being comfortable in your own skin. Introverts can be just as confident as extroverts; they just express it differently. The idea that you “need” to be extroverted to be confident may be causing you to judge your natural strengths instead of leveraging them.

A Better Way: Own Your Unique Confidence Style

Confidence looks different for everyone. Whether you’re introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between, the key is building confidence in who you are rather than forcing yourself to fit a certain mold.

Myth #5: “You Have to Feel Confident Before Taking Action”

Why People Believe This

It’s logical to think that confidence comes before you do the thing. After all, wouldn’t it be easier to take action if you already felt confident?

Why This Myth Could Be Holding You Back

The truth is, confidence comes from experience, but self-confidence is what allows you to take action without experience. If you wait until you “feel ready,” you might never take the leap. The longer you hesitate, the more powerful self-doubt becomes.

A Better Way: Build Self-Confidence While You Gain Confidence Through Experience

Instead of waiting to feel confident, develop self-confidence – the belief that you can figure things out even if you’ve never done them before. When you start taking action, confidence naturally follows because you gain experience along the way.

Final Thoughts On Confidence Myths

Breaking free from these confidence myths is about redefining confidence in a way that actually works. Confidence isn’t about faking it, eliminating doubt, or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. It’s about:

• Taking small, intentional risks to expand your comfort zone.
• Managing self-doubt instead of waiting for it to disappear.
• Trusting yourself to figure things out—even before you feel ready.

If you’re ready to start building real self-confidence, I’ve got a simple tool to help you get started! Sign up for the 5-Minute Confidence Anchor and start rewiring your mindset for confidence today.