Always wishing you could feel more confident, but not sure how to get there? This article will help debunk some of the most common confidence “advice,” and share what to do instead to start building lasting, sustainable self-confidence.

Introduction: The Step Zero to Building Confidence

If you’ve ever thought, “I just need to be more confident,” but nothing seems to work, you’re not alone. Many people try all of the popular confidence hacks—faking it, repeating affirmations, or pushing through fear—but still feel self-doubt creeping in.

That’s because confidence doesn’t come from external behaviors alone. There’s a step zero most people skip: building self-confidence first.

Without self-confidence, externally-based confidence strategies don’t work or don’t last. Real, unshakable confidence is built from the inside out—starting with how you think, what you believe, and how you relate to yourself.

Feeling confident is an inside job. Here’s why.

The Problem: Why Most Confidence Advice Doesn’t Work

Our instant gratification culture has created unrealistic expectations around confidence.

As a result, people expect feeling confident to be quick, easy, and something they can get from a few “tips and tricks.” This is why gimmicky confidence advice often fails – because it skips the internal work and jumps straight to external behaviors.

Alex Hormozi famously says, “The hard way is the easy way.”

You can keep wishing for confidence and trying surface-level tricks that don’t last, or you can put in the deeper work to build real, lasting confidence from the inside out.

What Most People Get Wrong About Building Confidence (and What to Do Instead)

The biggest problem with typical confidence advice is that it’s focused on a result, not on the steps you need to take to create the result.

It’s like telling someone who has little baking experience, “Hey, go bake a cake,” and expecting them to succeed. It sets you up for frustration and failure.

Let’s look at three common struggles and why the usual advice doesn’t work.

“Just stop caring what others think.”

It sounds logical—if you don’t care what others think, you’ll be free to do whatever you want. But telling someone to “just stop caring” is like telling a beginner weightlifter to “just go bench press 150 pounds.” You can’t flip a switch and instantly override your brain’s wiring for social survival.

Instead of trying to shut off caring entirely, train your brain to detach your self-worth from others’ judgments. Shift your focus to whose opinions actually matter (including your own).

The goal isn’t to stop caring completely but to learn how to process and filter feedback in a way that doesn’t undermine your confidence.

Early on in my career, I worried so much about what others thought that I just chose not to even speak to or acknowledge most people most of the time (not exactly the healthiest choice, looking back!). I was able to overcome that ongoing worry – and build healthy relationships – when I rewired my brain to stop focusing on what other people think of me.

“Just speak up more.”

A common belief is that the more you practice speaking up, the more confident you’ll feel.

While practice is valuable, if you already struggle with speaking up, forcing yourself to do it without first shifting your inner beliefs can make the experience even more stressful. Instead of easing self-doubt, it reinforces it.

True confidence in speaking up doesn’t start with forcing words out. It starts with believing that what you have to say matters, and that even if your comments aren’t well-received, you’ll take care of yourself and be okay in the end.

Rather than focusing on external “bravery,” build self-trust internally. Learn to separate discomfort from danger, and recognize that your voice is valid, even if you don’t receive immediate affirmation from others.

There were so many times in my past where I didn’t speak up, because I was worried about sounding stupid, or my idea being rejected, or someone judging me.

Here’s the thing – I choose to believe that if I don’t share it, I’ll never know. If I don’t share it, it can’t be adopted or improved upon to help reach whatever goal is in front of me and the rest of the group.

And, yeah, I’ve shared some ideas or said some things that weren’t great. Because I’m human. And no one is sitting around saying, “Hey, remember that time on August 8th of 2023 when Amy Schield shared that stupid idea?”

Stop waiting for external validation, and start working to believe for yourself that your thoughts are worth sharing.

“Just take the leap—you’ll feel confident afterward.”

There’s a belief that confidence follows action, so if you just force yourself to do something scary, you’ll eventually feel confident.

While action does build confidence over time, the real problem isn’t lack of experience—it’s lack of self-confidence. People don’t avoid opportunities because they lack confidence; they avoid them because they don’t trust themselves to handle whatever happens.

Confidence is based on your past. Self-confidence is based on your future – and your ability to handle it.

Instead of waiting until you feel ready, focus on developing self-confidence first.

When you trust yourself to handle the outcome – good or bad – opportunities feel less risky, and confidence naturally follows.

I spent my 20’s and most of my 30’s avoid opportunities that stretched me outside my comfort zone because I thought I wasn’t ready. Once I built self-confidence, I realized that “ready” wasn’t a feeling I needed beforehand. Instead, it was something I developed by believing in my ability to figure things out along the way, and then choosing to take action.

How to Build Self-Confidence from the Inside Out

Building self-confidence from the inside out means focusing on beliefs first, then thoughts and feelings, then actions. Here’s how:

Shift Your Beliefs First—Not Just Your Thoughts.

Many people try to swap out negative thoughts with positive ones (affirmations, mantras) without addressing the underlying beliefs. That’s like painting over a cracked foundation – it won’t last.

Instead, start by identifying and challenging the core beliefs that are keeping you stuck.

If you believe, “I’m bad at speaking up,” simply telling yourself, “I’m great at speaking up” won’t feel true. Instead, shift to “I am getting better at speaking up with practice.”

When your new thoughts aren’t in stark opposition to your current beliefs, they become powerful tools for transformation. They open up the door to growth, while gradually shifting your beliefs over time – rather than trying to force an inorganic result on your organically-wired brain.

This is exactly what neuroscience-based mindset shifts help with – moving toward the result you want in a sustainable way, rather than forcing fake confidence.

Confidence Isn’t the Absence of Fear—It’s Forward Motion in the Face of It.

The goal isn’t to eliminate fear, self-doubt, or discomfort. The goal is to train yourself to move forward even when those feelings arise. Athletes, speakers, and leaders still feel nervous—the difference is, they don’t let it stop them.

When you practice moving forward despite discomfort, you develop the internal proof that you can handle challenges. This is where practical mindset tools (like thought work, navigating and generating emotions, and mental rehearsal) help build this internal muscle.

Building Self-Trust Helps You Feel Confident.

Self-confidence isn’t about convincing yourself that you’ll always succeed. Instead, it’s about trusting yourself to handle whatever happens. If you knew you could handle failure, you wouldn’t fear taking risks.

Instead of asking, “What if I fail?” ask, “How will I take care of myself and move forward if I fail?”

This simple reframe rewires your brain for self-confidence. When you trust yourself, you’re no longer paralyzed by fear of uncertainty. Rather, you know that no matter what happens, you’ll figure it out.

This is exactly why inside-out confidence building works. It shifts you from seeking external validation to trusting yourself.

Conclusion: Stop Waiting To “Feel Confident”

Confidence isn’t about faking it, waiting until you feel ready, or forcing yourself to act a certain way. It’s about rewiring your beliefs, managing your thoughts, and building a strong foundation of self-confidence.

If you’re ready to start shifting your mindset, the 5-Minute Confidence Anchor is the perfect next step. This neuroscience-based practice helps you rewire your self-confidence in just five minutes a day… because confidence starts in your brain, not in your circumstances.

📌 Click here to get your copy and start building confidence from the inside out!