Far too many Christian women are taking a fragmented approach to growing in Christlike character.
The result?
They often end up feeling pulled in different directions, become frustrated, and miss out on the opportunity to grow holistically, rooted in their identity in Christ.
So, what causes this fragmented approach? And what’s the solution? I’ll be sharing more about both today.
The fragmented approach to building Christlike character
In the 21st century, many of us have access to nearly endless informational resources. You can find an online course, podcast, book, article, or video on any topic under the sun.
If there’s so much information available, then what’s the problem?
Yes, there IS a ton of information out there. Think of it like this: If the information is ingredients for a recipe, the problem isn’t the ingredients themselves. Rather, it’s how they’re combined (or not) that’s the problem.
Leaning on faith formation alone
What happens when you focus only on faith formation and prayer as a source of personal growth on your quest to become more Christlike?
You ask God to do nearly all of the work.
CAN he do all of the work? Yes. WILL he do it all for you?
Suffice it to say that God is not a genie, and does not grant our every wish or answer every prayer with exactly what we requested.
What can happen when you focus only on faith formation and prayer to become more Christlike?
If God doesn’t choose to unilaterally change your mind, body, heart, or soul (whatever you are praying for), you don’t experience much change.
Side note – I am not knocking the power of prayer
I need to make it crystal clear here that I am not knocking the power or value of prayer. Rather, I’m saying that, while prayer alone can be incredibly impactful, there are other measures you can take in addition to prayer to grow in Christlike character (more on that later).
There is so much power in prayer – it is communication with God. In addition to the relief and joy that answered prayers bring, prayer has so many benefits.
Prayer can help you to feel that you’re not alone. It can help you feel closer to God. Prayer can also ease anxiety, stress, frustration, discouragement, and a whole host of other sufferings. And yes, sometimes God answers our prayers in full, or even with miracles.
The gift of free will
Prayer is powerful, yes. But as I like to say, praying without taking action is like asking a friend to help you move a couch, but not picking up your end.
God gave each of us the gift of free will. As you and I well know, God does not often answer our prayers by instantly giving us everything we want.
Rather, sometimes he answers our prayers with an inspiration to shift our mindset through something we read, see, or hear. Sometimes, the answer to a prayer comes in the form of an opportunity that we can decide to pursue or not.
This is where our free will comes into play. Sometimes, God answers our prayers by providing the conditions for us to create the outcome we want through the exercise of our free will.
If you rely on faith and prayer alone, what can happen if your prayers aren’t answered?
You might become angry or resentful toward God. You might feel discouraged. Maybe your relationship with God could even be damaged, because you don’t understand why he hasn’t answered your prayers as you wanted.
That doesn’t sound healthy for you, or for your relationship with God.
Focusing on faith and prayer alone without taking action can also cause you to feel helpless, lose your sense of agency, and keep you from using your God-given gifts and resources to move yourself forward. You might become stuck in inaction as a result.
Focusing on secular personal development resources
The next facet of the fragmented approach to becoming more Christlike is focusing on secular personal development resources.
What are personal development resources, exactly? In this specific context, “personal development resources” refers to products and services such as books, online courses, workshops, retreats, coaching, etc. that help you to engage in a conscious effort to improve yourself. In more general terms, personal development can include inner growth, hobbies, developing skills, setting and pursuing goals, and a whole host of other things.
Now, does this mean that if I want to develop the skill of juggling, learn a foreign language, or improve my photography skills, that I need to find someone who teaches Christ-centered juggling, Portuguese for for Christians, or faith-based photography?
No. However, when it comes to things like:
- Making major decisions
- Shifting how you show up in your day-to-day life
- The kind of person you want to be
- The things you struggle with, the goals you set
- How you deal with failure, discouragement, and even success
…There is great value for Christians in centering their faith in those kinds of endeavors.
The hidden personal development problem for Christians
There are a ton of personal development gurus who have fabulous advice and information for those seeking to grow and change as a person.
What’s the problem for Christians, then?
As Christians, we are called to live by the example Jesus taught us. We are called to become more Christlike in our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions.
Secular personal development resources are often designed for wide appeal in terms of faith or religious views. This means that they tend to be pretty generic, using terms like “the universe,” “higher power,” “something greater than yourself,” and the like in place of “God” or “Jesus.”
Again, I’m not here to criticize this, or to say that it’s wrong of people to create these kinds of resources. However, Christians often miss an opportunity when they engage deeply with personal development resources that only tolerate or ignore their Christian faith, rather than center it.
Why? Well, here are two things that can happen.
First, Christians may be stuck trying to adapt secular personal development resources and programs (books, online courses, retreats, coaching, etc.) to accommodate their faith. That can be a lot of extra work, especially if it’s a resource you have paid money for.
Second, Christians may be unwittingly growing away from God as a result of engaging deeply with secular personal development resources. They may begin thinking, “What’s right for me?” Instead of, “What’s right for me as a follower of Christ?” The difference between these two questions may be subtle, but the shift in context creates a wide chasm between the answers.
So, while personal development resources and products are valuable assets in general, they often make it difficult for Christians to grow and develop in the context of their faith specifically.
Randomly trying to change thoughts, emotions, or behaviors
The third facet of a fragmented approach to becoming more Christlike is that Christian women sometimes randomly try to change how they’re feeling, thinking, or behaving, without a concrete strategy for success.
If you’re a Christian woman, there is probably at least one area of your life where you would like to do better – to be more Christlike.
For example, maybe you wish you could develop more patience with your family members or co-workers. Or perhaps you struggle with jealousy or comparison. Maybe you find it hard to trust God. Or, perhaps you don’t believe you’re good enough or worthy enough to receive His love.
Is it possible to overcome those issues on your own? Yes. However, trying to change your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, or behaviors on your own can leave you stuck on the struggle bus for months or even years.
Maybe this sounds familiar: There’s something about you that you’d like to change. You’ve tried to change it before, and maybe you’ve even prayed about it. However, you find yourself falling back into the same old patterns of thinking, feeling, and behavior. So, you get frustrated and give up.
This happens to so many people. However, it doesn’t mean that they are incapable of change, or destined to be forever stuck around that particular issue. Often, they simply don’t understand how and why the behavior is happening, and how to change it.
Neuroscience and Christian personal development
Researchers still have a lot to learn about the human brain and nervous system. However, our understanding has come a long way over the past 30 or so years.
This is great news, because there are some things we DO know about why we behave the way we do, how our beliefs form, how they influence our thinking, and how our feelings and emotions come into play.
In other words, we understand a lot more about why we think, feel, and act the way we do, and how to change it.
That means that Christians specifically can harness the power of neurocognitive science to become more Christlike. We can use that knowledge to help transform ourselves when it comes to things like impatience, jealousy, comparison, unkindness, temptation to sin, etc.
Wow. That’s pretty amazing to me.
The solution: Combining faith, personal development, and neuroscience to become more Christlike
Here’s what I know to be true:
God sent His only Son for our salvation. He also provided us with an example of how to think, feel, and act.
God gave us free will, allowing us to choose on our own whether to follow Jesus’s example.
The worlds of Christian faith, personal development, and neuroscience each offer us unique tools that we can use to affect change upon ourselves as human beings.
When we combine the power of faith, prayer, and Scripture with personal development endeavors and neuroscience-based techniques for cognitive, emotional, and behavioral change, we can gradually transform and nurture ourselves into more Christlike people.
That’s the solution. Not the fragmented approach to self-nurturing that views faith and personal development as two distinct things. (With neuroscience being little more than a blip on the radar.)
The truth is, faith and personal development are inextricably linked. When you root personal growth and development in Christian faith, you grow closer to Christ and become more like Him.
When you add in neuroscience-based techniques and strategies to change your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors? You shorten that growth curve by a ton.
So, why not exercise our free will to harness all of these resources to root our personal development in our identity in Christ, and use neuroscience to help us get there?
I can’t think of a single reason not to. And that’s why I made this huge shift at Amy Schield Coaching. That’s the exact process I’m helping people with now.